Home Again, Home Again

April 22nd, 2009

Cycling along the coast of Orange County up against the sea and cliffs in the warm 90 degree sun, it occurred to me that everything I had been searching for in the last few months was right here. The heat spell we had the last few days was terrific- the beaches were jammed with people and I took the time to re-explore some of my old haunts by foot an by bike. I grew up riding these trails and I never really appreciated how much great riding is here.

I have a couple of weeks to wait before I can move in to my new house in San Diego and I am spending the interim time in Dana Point, with some side trips planned for Temecula and the Bay Area. California really does have it all, and nowhere I have traveled to compares. The ongoing theme has been "perspective," which basically is what you get when you travel, and after experiencing difficulties.

I spent my brother and sister's birthday here last night with their grandparents. Their dad told the story of their birth, and some missing details were filled in for me. I never knew why he wasn't there when my mom was wheeled into labor and why I was. It turns out he was in the chapel praying. He told the story with drama and passion, but for me what was important was that I was there.

So beautiful landscapes, perfect weather and good family vibes round out the week. Its great to be back in California!

Good to Be Back

April 17th, 2009 San Diego,CA

As you know, it can be hard to come back home. You get this whole reverse culture shock thing and the fun disappears from your daily life. Luckily, I don't have a job (haha) so I didn't have to go back to work. My last few days n New Zealand I did one last ride in Waiheke Island, just to say farewell and get one last ride in. It was extremely difficult but beautiful and I realized I really enjoyed the cycling in New Zealand and would definitely go back. I was able to focus long enough to get off a letter to the PM John Keyes about building the nation-wide cycling path, and it felt good to put a piece of writing together. I purchased a bunch of travel magazines for inspiration and also to see if I could submit any articles to them.

Writing isn't easy, I've discovered, but the hardest part is truly believing I can do it. Although I have thought about this path obsessively for the last 3 months, coming back and announcing this with conviction to my friends and family is challenging. I just keep hearing the voice in my head saying that I cant do it, its not practical and I will fail. I try to blame the economy for making me feel this way, but really its just me. I realize I don't quite believe in myself and this is essential.

The other challenge on my plate is to stay focused. I know my mom wanted to laugh out loud when I started talking about goals and steps to goals and not settling for anything less. How many years has she been telling me that? Who knows, but what I am trying to do is decide how I want to live and what work I want to do, and NOT get distracted by the other interesting ideas and pathways that present themselves. I have a tendency to apply for jobs that I think I could do, and just sort of think if I get a call back, then it was meant to be my next thing. This has usually worked out pretty well, almost serendipitously, it seems, when I look back. But was it?

Economy and flooded job market aside, its time for me to be more focused. I've decided that I want to work part-time for Pearson, or perhaps teach ESL to make money. The other half of my work will be writing.

So there it is: I will be a writer, journalist, or whatever you call it. It's creative, I get to travel, I get to go out and talk to people, I get to take it all in and spit it all back out, and all of you out there get to enjoy it vicariously.

Now that it's settled, I can't think of anything that suits me better.

Coming Back to Reality

Hey folks- what was I complaining about? I cant remember now> Why did I want to escape heaven, just goes to show you I have no brain. There were definitely worse places to get stuck in than Lifou. I missed my ferry last Friday, and after debating to take the plane or not, I stayed on til Monday with a price reduction from the manager at the hotel, and I did get a few free dinners out of the deal as well. After a couple of days doing nothing- really just listening to the waves crash all day, I got the ferry on Monday back to Noumea.

All said and done, I had some nostalgia pains to leave my little perfect beach, the peace of the island, the perfect sunny days. The ferry Betico was a nightmare- crowded, no place to lay down and went 5 times faster than the Havannah so people were puking everywhere.

I had a quick night in Noumea at the hostel before catching the bus to the airport. I found myself wandering around lost in space and almost missing my flight. Was I really on true island time? So little cognitive demands lately especially in the French world, its easy to zone out.

Ive been transported back to traffic and malls and Auckland, albeit a little fatter and with a wicked sunburn. Hopefully will be able to get some rides in before departing Saturday. Its actually nice to be back in NZ, although I like the beach, the all croissant diet and no cycling didn't do much for my figure so better not to get too lazy.