January 6th, 2009
I had the strangest sensation yesterday...I almost felt happy! Perhaps it was the warm sun beaming down on me through the window. The sky was clear and I swear to god I did feel more enthusiasm to get out there, to be positive and that life was good. If I told you how long it had been since I felt like that (probably since July), you wouldnt believe it.
I dont feel trapped anymore as now I feel at a crossroads. I dont feel paralyzed with indecision, just as much as I cant make up my mind. Removing myself from Seattle was a huge relief, and now I can think a little more clearly about what to do next- travel to NZ, move to SD, get a job, go to art school, buy a car...? I am sort of in between settling down NOW versus LATER. I dont think I am avoiding anything by not settling down now, just that there may be something out there for me I may miss if I rent a place now. I guess what I am unsure about is if I have the gumption in me to take on a long solo trip to a remote region of the world or not. Will I crumble? Will I feel lonely? Will something bad happen? Will it be worth it? New Zealand! Its so close to Antarctica!
They seem like your basic run of the mill fears.
On the other hand, maybe I am afraid of renting a place on my own, starting a single life, and being lonely in a new city. I dont relish the idea of looking for work- theres nothing worse than feeling rejected daily and that you are searching for something you cant find, and just hoping that some office staff will see your gleaming potential in a two page resume. Its a tough market out there right now...At least thats what they say.
Perhaps I dont really want to find out if its a tough economy or not. In fact, I would love to avoid that whole doom and gloom mentality right now. Why, its a lovely sunshiny day at the beach in January...What could be better!
Once again I find myself not making any decision until the time is right. I suppose I will know when the moment is here to decide- should I stay or go? For now, a little ray of hope came through as I paged through the WWOOFing booklet and signed up for some local San Diego meet up clubs. I had a laugh with my brother and sister watching a video and chased the cat off the kitchen table. A simple life.
I had the strangest sensation yesterday...I almost felt happy! Perhaps it was the warm sun beaming down on me through the window. The sky was clear and I swear to god I did feel more enthusiasm to get out there, to be positive and that life was good. If I told you how long it had been since I felt like that (probably since July), you wouldnt believe it.
I dont feel trapped anymore as now I feel at a crossroads. I dont feel paralyzed with indecision, just as much as I cant make up my mind. Removing myself from Seattle was a huge relief, and now I can think a little more clearly about what to do next- travel to NZ, move to SD, get a job, go to art school, buy a car...? I am sort of in between settling down NOW versus LATER. I dont think I am avoiding anything by not settling down now, just that there may be something out there for me I may miss if I rent a place now. I guess what I am unsure about is if I have the gumption in me to take on a long solo trip to a remote region of the world or not. Will I crumble? Will I feel lonely? Will something bad happen? Will it be worth it? New Zealand! Its so close to Antarctica!
They seem like your basic run of the mill fears.
On the other hand, maybe I am afraid of renting a place on my own, starting a single life, and being lonely in a new city. I dont relish the idea of looking for work- theres nothing worse than feeling rejected daily and that you are searching for something you cant find, and just hoping that some office staff will see your gleaming potential in a two page resume. Its a tough market out there right now...At least thats what they say.
Perhaps I dont really want to find out if its a tough economy or not. In fact, I would love to avoid that whole doom and gloom mentality right now. Why, its a lovely sunshiny day at the beach in January...What could be better!
Once again I find myself not making any decision until the time is right. I suppose I will know when the moment is here to decide- should I stay or go? For now, a little ray of hope came through as I paged through the WWOOFing booklet and signed up for some local San Diego meet up clubs. I had a laugh with my brother and sister watching a video and chased the cat off the kitchen table. A simple life.
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